I was a Middle-aged Sauna

I was at work the first few times I experienced a hot flash. “Is it crazy hot in here?” I asked my younger, non-menopausal co-worker. She shook her head, looked perplexed. The back of my head and neck pulsed with heat. I dashed to the bathroom to look myself over. No red skin, no visible perspiration. I looked like my normal self—an underemployed middle-age woman in mediocre business-casual attire stifling rage through another work day. And yet, if I had sliced open my forehead, I am convinced I would have released steam like a boil-in-bag dinner. 

Hot flashes, according to Dr. Christiane Northrup, “are the most common perimenopausal symptom in our culture, occurring in about 70 to 80 percent of all perimenopausal women.” These sudden blasts of heat tend to spread over the head, face, and chest. Some women may feel nauseated and as if something is crawling beneath their skin, particularly in their hands. It’s not uncommon to feel chilled right after a hot flash. I will add to this list something I call imagined sweat, which is the sensation of perspiration not accompanied by actual sweat. Think of it as your own body gas-lighting you. 

Understanding what was happening, however, shifted my focus to solutions. I experienced almost immediate relief when I took an herbal supplement called Hot Flash by Source Naturals. When I forget to take some doses, I might experience night sweats, but the frequency and intensity of the hot flashes have diminished considerably. The unexpected bonus is that it improved the quality of my sleep, which I seem to need so much more of now that all of my youthful illusions have been trampled by the passage of time. (I’m kidding, but for real, don’t be afraid to employ hyperbole as a coping strategy. People fear perimenopausal women. The worst that will happen is that everyone will fall silent. And then they’ll scurry to do the dishes before you scream at them.)

Perimenopausal blogs with a more medical focus exist if you want to know more from that perspective. At some point, I will list some here for your convenience. But not today. My long to-do list conflicts with my need to do some nothing followed by a nap and possibly some daydreaming. If I feel ambitious I might do some adult coloring of a drawing of a rhinoceros or wash my socks. The point is, looking up medical facts is not my thing, and anyway, you all have Google. Having said that, I can recommend the book The Wisdom of Menopause by Christiane Northrup, M.D. I am skimming it and taking what I can from it, which is my overall suggestion for this menopause journey we are all on: Figure out your own path through using trial and error, considering what others have tried, and keeping your sense of humor through it all. As such, please enjoy the following and embrace your hotness.