Recently, I
called in sick to work because I felt as if I had to propel myself
forward just to walk, as if I needed to exert effort to blink. Literally, seeing
exhausted me. I knew that what I needed was to lie down and sleep it off, and
that’s what I did. After a quick trip to buy cat food and something for me to
eat when I woke up, I climbed into bed and crashed, moving in and out of sleep
all day and into the night until the next morning. The next day, a day off, I
did a few things around the house but realized that my body and psyche desired
more down time. So, I gave it to myself.
Right before I
settled into my hibernation, I dropped an entire bowl of guacamole on my bedroom
floor. The bowl hit a drawer and broke, dumping guacamole onto the floor. I
screamed and cursed—at the broken bowl, at the globs of guacamole sinking into
my carpet, at the INJUSTICE OF IT ALL!!! I’m laughing now as I write this, but
if you are perimenopausal, you know that furious victim thing that can happen. It’s
a feeling of being out of control and enraged about it. For me, it’s a signal
to shut up and shut off whatever I can. It warns me that I need to replenish
myself because I am tapped out.
Do you have children
or a husband or wife? I salute you because I don’t know how you do it. I can
barely keep it together when I have to clean up cat vomit in the middle of the
night.
My intention for
this blog is to create a vibrant, empowering place for us all. I named it
Perimenopause Resilience because I wanted to affirm that this change is
something we can meet with elasticity and optimism. My posts so far have been a
little short on solutions and suggestions, which I do actually intend to share.
And I will admit that this is the case because all I want to do is sleep.
Having said that, one of my strengths is lying down and shutting it all out
when I need to. Sometimes I will listen to a podcast or fall asleep with a documentary on
in the background. I don’t necessarily need a media blackout to regenerate.
I’m still reading
The Wisdom of Menopause by Dr. Christiane Northrup. She says, “Perimenopause is
a time in which you are meant to mother yourself.” For me, that means going to
bed earlier as needed, napping, and getting as many hours of sleep as my body
and psyche need. Eventually, I will come back to balance. I will breathe more
easily and may have the energy to scrub my bathroom sink. I will drop guacamole
on my bedroom floor and clean it up without weeping. Or maybe I’ll just leave
it and let the cats eat it.
How are you handling
your fatigue?
No comments:
Post a Comment